


Never Have I Ever

by Sabeley



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Isak Valtersen, Coming Out, First Time, Friends With Benefits, Frottage, M/M, Rimming, Topping from the Bottom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-13 21:45:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11194080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabeley/pseuds/Sabeley
Summary: "What's it like to kiss a boy?""I could show you."Or the one where Isak and Even are roommates who make out on occasion (in a completely platonic way, of course).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chinese translation now available: ["Never Have I Ever"](http://colorful98.lofter.com/tag/never%C2%A0have%C2%A0i%C2%A0ever) by [colorfuler](http://archiveofourown.org/users/colorfuler/pseuds/colorfuler).

“Even!” Jonas, Magnus, and Mahdi cried simultaneously, their voices loud even over the booming bass of the Nas playlist Isak was blaring on Spotify. He turned in surprise to find his roommate leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest and a wide grin on his face. 

Isak was just drunk enough to be able to fully appreciate how beautiful Even was, even under the harsh fluorescent lights of their kitchen—something he never allowed himself to do while sober—and it was nice, finally being able to look without his straight-boy goggles on. It was also dangerous, apparently, because Even was wearing tight jeans and a thin, white T-shirt and all Isak wanted to do was ditch his friends and climb him like a fucking tree. 

“Halla, boys,” Even greeted, using his shoulder to push himself off of the wall. “Halla, Isak.” Isak’s stomach flipped at the sound of his name on Even’s lips. He took a long sip of his beer to keep from saying anything embarrassing and turned the music down to what might possibly pass for an acceptable level. “Don’t turn it down on my account,” Even laughed, looking over his shoulder as he dug through the refrigerator for a beer of his own. “I’ll be out of your way in a second.” 

“No, you have to stay!” Magnus whined immediately and Isak could have kissed him. Even had finally found a beer and popped the top off on the side of the counter before turning a questioning eyebrow to Isak. 

“Magnus says you have to stay,” he shrugged, gesturing to the empty chair next to him. Even smirked, but sat without argument, scooting his seat slightly closer to Isak’s, like it was second nature to want to be close to him. Isak wasn’t sure whether it was the beer or the proximity, but he felt warmth spread throughout his chest. 

“So, we’re playing ‘Never Have I Ever,’” Magnus started without preamble and Isak and the other boys groaned. 

“Still? Magnus, come on.” 

“Yes, Isak, _still_.” Even smirked sideways at Isak and took a long drag of his beer. Isak watched in drunken fascination as his throat bobbed with each swallow. “You want to play?” 

Even shrugged casually and set his drink down on the wooden table. They weren’t using coasters and Isak knew Eskild was going to yell at him in the morning, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. “Yeah, sure. Why not?” 

They played a few rounds that were harmless enough. Isak learned that Even had never gotten a tattoo or had a threesome, but he _had_ been arrested, although he refused to divulge the details of that particular story. It was only when the game circled back around to Magnus that things got interesting. “Never have I ever…kissed a boy.” 

Isak, who had just taken a regrettably large sip of beer, starting coughing so violently that the whole game came to halt while the boys watched in concern as he choked. _Way to go_ , _Isak,_ he thought, forcing himself to take in a gasp of fresh air between hacking coughs. _Very subtle._ Even pushed Isak’s beer a little closer to him and he took a grateful sip to clear this throat. 

“Are you okay?” Jonas asked as the coughing finally subsided. 

“Yeah,” Isak waved him off, his voice hoarse. “Went down the wrong way.” The four boys watched him carefully for another few seconds, as if waiting for a relapse, before Even finally took pity on him. 

“What was the question again?” he asked, effectively turning their attention away from Isak. 

“Oh, um…” Magnus mused. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to remember and for one blissful second, it seemed that he might have forgotten. 

“Have you ever kissed a boy?” Jonas prompted and Isak’s heart fell into his stomach once more. He wasn’t even sure why. He _hadn’t_ ever kissed a boy, so it wasn’t like he was being put on the spot. It just felt like a lie, somehow, to sit there and pretend that when he fantasized at night, it wasn’t a boy’s lips that he imagined. 

A boy’s lips that were currently wrapped around a long neck bottle, swallowing down the last of his beer. And _holy shit_. That meant— 

“No way, dude!” Magnus cried with an excited laugh. “Did you like it?” 

Even set his empty glass on the table and chuckled at Magnus’s enthusiasm. “Yes, Magnus. I kissed a boy and I liked it.” 

Isak tried to school his features into something that might pass as indifferent, but he doubted it worked because at Even’s confession, it felt like a live wire had jolted through his system, setting his nerve endings ablaze. Everything he thought he knew was suddenly wrong. Was the sky still blue? Was two plus two still four? He had no idea because for the two months he’d shared an apartment with Even, there had been heated looks and lingering touches—all of which he thought were a figment of his very sex-deprived imagination because he knew Even was straight. He had a fucking girlfriend, for fuck’s sake. 

Or he used to, at least. 

He was pulled out of his own head at the sound of Even’s voice. “No one else?” Isak looked over and was only mildly surprised to find Even’s piercing blue eyes glued to him, one eyebrow cocked in silent question. The part of Isak that had accepted that he was very gay on the day Even moved in wanted to take a sip to try to convey that yes, he was interested, but he could feel the eyes of his friends on him and he sat frozen. Eventually, he shook his head and the game progressed. Even, however, did not look away. 

He was watching Isak, as if trying to suss out a lie, but there was no lie to find. Isak might have been imagining things again, but he thought he saw a twinge of disappointment pass over Even’s face before he turned back to the table. 

Their night had already run longer than Isak planned, so it wasn’t much later before Jonas, Magnus, and Mahdi left, which was a blessing in disguise because Isak’s attention was no longer on the game and he’d missed his cue more than once, leading to some awkward berating from Jonas about why he’d never gone down on a girl. That was the type of thing that Isak would have known to lie about if he weren’t so distracted. 

Once the door shut behind them, Isak turned to look at Even, wondering if he could see in Isak’s eyes how the ember of desire that had been festering for weeks was suddenly a great, fiery blaze. If he saw anything, he certainly didn’t show it. He met Isak’s gaze, lifted his eyebrows playfully, and then picked up a hand-full of empty beer bottles and carried them to the garbage. Isak took a deep breath to steady himself and then followed Even’s lead. 

They danced around each other in the small kitchen effortlessly, pouring excess beer down the drain and stacking plates in the dishwasher. They weren’t touching—weren’t even looking at each other—but Isak’s skin tingled from how close they were and even when Even was out of sight, he could still feel him. Knew exactly where he was. Just that morning, they had stood together in the exact same place, but in only a few short hours it felt like everything had changed. Because now if Isak somehow managed to yank up the courage to kiss Even, there was a chance he might actually kiss back. 

Isak was so distracted with thoughts of Even that he didn’t realize the kitchen was clean until the dishwasher shut with a snap. His stomach twisted into knots at the sound. He knew what was about to happen and he wasn’t ready. Even would tell him goodnight and then they would go to their own separate bedrooms and never talk about that juvenile game of “Never Have I Ever” again. Because why would they? It was a stupid game. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything. 

Thoughts were whirring through Isak’s head faster than he could process them—half-formed ideas of how he could hint to Even that maybe he might want to kiss Isak one day too—but when Even finally turned to him, wiping his damp hands on his jeans, all of the suave one-liners he’d concocted disappeared and what came out instead sounded a lot more vulnerable than he’d meant it to. 

“Is it different?” Blood rushed to Isak’s cheeks as Even furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Everything in him was screaming to abort mission now, but he just kept talking. “Kissing boys? Is it different than kissing girls?” 

Even reeled back in surprise at the question, but he didn’t look offended. When Isak’s embarrassment dissipated somewhat, he realized he was actually curious about the answer. 

Isak had kissed his first girl when he was twelve years old during a game of Truth or Dare. He’d felt nothing. He’d felt nothing again years later with Sara, and also nothing with Emma after that. He’d thought the world was playing some sort of cosmic joke on him at first. A joke that everyone was in on but him. _Oh, you actually believed all the lies that the media fed you? You actually thought kissing was_ fun _? How dumb of you._ It was only when he was subjected to Jonas’s hour-long homage to Eva’s lips that he began to realize maybe the kissing itself wasn’t the problem. Maybe it was _who_ he was kissing. 

After a thoughtful pause, Even shrugged. “There’s more stubble.” Isak realized it was a joke a beat too late and his subsequent forced laughter knocked the smile off of Even’s face, as if he suddenly realized Isak was being serious. Isak’s first instinct was to flee, but Even continued talking before he could do so. “If you like boys and you like girls, kissing them really isn’t all that different.” 

Isak nodded as if Even’s explanation made perfect since, even though it didn’t, and then turned back to the sink so that he wouldn’t have to look into Even’s devastatingly handsome face any longer. Even had been leaning on the counter a few feet away, but Isak felt him walk closer until his body heat was burning all along his side. He lifted his head in surprise, only to find that there was barely any space between them at all. His breath hitched in his throat. 

“I could show you,” Even said, reaching his arm around Isak to grab the counter behind him. They weren’t touching exactly, but they were so close Isak could imagine what it might feel like if they were. 

Isak swallowed hard. “Show me?” 

Even nodded, nosing towards Isak like a kitten. Isak tilted his head on instinct. “I could show you what it’s like to kiss a boy.” 

“Oh,” Isak said feeling his blush darken. He tried to take a step back, but Even had him boxed into the counter and he couldn’t move. “That’s not what I meant. I was just curious…” The sane part of Isak was screaming at him to shut the fuck up, so he did. Even nodded, so close to him that Isak felt a lock of his blonde hair brush against his cheek, and he felt dizzy from a mixture of embarrassment and lust. What was happening? 

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Even whispered, his breath warm on Isak’s face. “But if you’re still curious?” 

Isak forced himself to look up into Even’s eyes and melted at the playful look he saw there. It was so innocent. So sweet. So Even. “I mean, maybe we could,” he backtracked and Even’s smirk grew wider. “If you want to. You can, like, tell me if I’m doing it right, you know?” 

Even chuckled against his lips. “You don’t think you’re doing it right?” 

Isak rolled his eyes, his heart already beating rapidly in his chest, but he didn’t have long to worry because before his eyes had even finished a full rotation, Even leaned forward the inch that separated them and pressed their lips together. 

And okay, _wow_ , so that's why people spent their whole lives searching for this. Why they wrote movies and poems and songs about it. This...this was amazing. 

Even's lips moved against his slowly, coaxing him into the kiss, and after only a second of surprised hesitation, Isak kissed him back. Kissing had always seemed so technical before. Tilt your head this way, watch out for teeth, make sure your lips are wet, but not too wet. None of that mattered with Even. It was fire instantly, razing everything he thought he knew about kissing to the ground because he couldn't think. Not about bumping noses or whether he was supposed to use tongue. He just followed Even's lead as he slowly drove him insane. 

Isak had been expecting something chaste, figured that Even would only allow him a taste before pulling away, but Even deepened the kiss without warning, stepping forward so that Isak's back was digging into the counter and Even’s thigh was between his legs. Isak wanted to reach out, wanted to twine his fingers into the front of Even's hoodie and pull him closer, but he wasn't sure if he was allowed to, so his hands stayed by his side. 

Five seconds turned to ten and then Even was licking into Isak’s mouth, like that was something platonic roommates did. Isak gasped in surprise. He felt his cock start to harden in his jeans and wondered if Even could feel it against his thigh. If he noticed, he didn’t seem to mind. He hummed against Isak's mouth, like he was pleasantly amused about something, and Isak was just thinking that he could do this all night if Even would let him, when the sound of a door slamming forced them apart. 

By the time Eskild walked into the kitchen, Even was already back where he had started, leaning against the counter on the other side of the room, and Isak was in the exact same place Even had left him, too surprised to move. He knew his face was red, knew his lips were swollen, knew Eskild was saying something to him, but he couldn't hear it. Thankfully, Even steered Eskild’s attention to him instead and after Eskild poured himself a glass of water, he left the room with Even trailing along behind him. 

"Hey, Isak?" Even smiled on his way out the door. "The kissing? You're definitely doing it right." He slapped the doorframe playfully, punctuating his words, and then disappeared around the corner. It was another five minutes before Isak regained enough feeling in his legs to slump back to his own room, thinking the whole time about how long it would be before he could kiss Even again. 


	2. Chapter 2

They didn't talk about it. At all. When Isak ran into Even in the kitchen the next morning, it was like nothing had changed. Even was as pleasant as always, smiling politely, offering to let Isak bum some of his milk because he knew he was too lazy to go to the store for himself. It was as if two bros kissing was normal in Even’s world. Like it didn’t even register as a blip on the seismic scale of his life. 

Honestly, Isak was starting to think maybe it hadn't happened at all. Maybe he had fantasized about kissing Even so much that he'd hallucinated it into reality. The only thing that kept him from believing that was knowing that even in his wildest dreams, he wouldn’t have imagined kissing could ever be like _that_. He hadn’t known it was something that could shake up his world so completely, like the Earth had suddenly started spinning in the opposite direction. 

So he accepted it. Accepted that it happened and accepted that he liked it. Accepted that to Even, it had obviously meant nothing. Or at least nothing worth mentioning. They were just two friends who made out with each other because it was a fun thing to do on an otherwise boring Friday night. And that was okay. 

It took three days before he was able to look Even in the eye without blushing and another couple for him to admit to himself that there was no way he was going to let that kiss be their last. No, if Even liked making out with boys in kitchens, Isak was going to hook him up. 

He spent hours lying awake at night, trying to think of something he could say or do that might convince Even to touch him again—in a completely platonic way, of course—but all he could come up with was "Yo, Even, wanna try making out again?" and that didn’t seem quite good enough. After a week of nothing more intimate than hands brushing as they passed each other the cereal, he was almost ready to try it anyway, but thankfully another opportunity presented itself first. 

It was a Saturday night, they had the apartment to themselves, and Even was forcing Isak to watch _Romeo + Juliet_ ("I can't live with someone who hasn't seen this movie. Do you want me to move out?"). Isak didn't bother to mention that he had already watched it, alone in his room, after a quick Google search revealed Even’s proclivity for Baz Luhrmann films. Even certainly didn't need to know the extent of his online stalking. 

They started out on opposite sides of the same couch, but the angle of the TV was weird and eventually Even migrated until he was almost on top of Isak, close enough to share body heat but still not touching. Isak was sitting forward on the couch and Even was turned to face the TV head-on with his back to Isak and his head leaning against the back of the couch beside him. It didn’t look comfortable, exactly, and after watching him fidget for a full ten minutes, Isak finally decided to say something. 

“You look really uncomfortable.” 

Even sighed and sat up before turning to Isak with wide, pitiful eyes. “Would you mind if I lay down so I can stretch out a little?” 

Isak shook his head, wondering why he even bothered to ask permission in the first place, when he realized that for Even to lay down, he was going to have to lay _on_ Isak. _Fuck_. But Even looked too happy to rescind the offer, so Isak grabbed Eskild’s most comfortable throw pillow and placed it on his lap, knowing that if Even was going to be that close to him, he needed some line of defense between Even’s face and his dick. Even let him get settled and then lay on the pillow with a contented sigh. 

Even turned his attention back to the television screen, already enraptured by a film Isak knew he had seen at least fifty times. Isak, however, chose to watch Even instead. The room was dark, but the glow from the TV screen painted Even’s eyelashes in a rainbow of colors and it was mesmerizing. He watched as Even’s long, artist fingers spooled the drawstring of his hoodie around and around. He watched as he bit his lips every couple of minutes, flushing them a gorgeous shade of red. He watched the rise and fall of his chest and began to match his own breathing to Even's. 

They were barely twenty minutes into the movie and Isak knew he wasn’t going to make it to the end. He wanted—no, he _needed_ —to kiss Even again. He needed to be reminded that it was possible to feel the things Even had made him feel the week before. That he wasn’t doomed to some monotonous, half-lived life. That there was someone out there who could actually make him feel something good. 

“Even?” he asked, his heart pounding uncomfortably in his chest. Even hummed in response. “I’m bored.” Even chuckled and leaned his head back so he could look at Isak upside down. 

“Then watch the movie. It’s good.” He stared at Isak for a few more seconds, probably waiting on him to argue, but Isak didn’t know what more he could say, so he pretended to turn back to the TV. Even did as well. His heartbeat still hadn’t slowed and he longed for some sort of contact, no matter how small. More than anything he wanted to reach out and card his fingers through Even’s hair, but he curled his hands into fists instead and kept them locked firmly at his sides. 

Isak tried to pay attention to the movie, he really did, but by the time Romeo and Juliet started making out in the pool, his nerves were wound so tightly that he was either going to have to make a move now or excuse himself to the bathroom. 

“Even, I’m really fucking bored,” he snapped and he knew it sounded rude, but how else was Even supposed to understand how urgent this was? Even cocked an eyebrow and looked up at him from his spot in his lap. There was a mischievous sparkle in his blue eyes that gave Isak the courage to add, “Entertain me.” 

Even rolled his eyes and sat up, patting down the couch cushions around him in search of the remote control. When he found it, he paused the movie. “Fine,” he said, turning back to Isak. And they were really fucking close. Almost as close as they had been that night in the kitchen. “What do you want to do then? Play video games? Watch _The Fast and the Furious_ ?” 

_No_ , Isak thought. _I want to make out with you_. 

“You know Jonas and Eva?” he asked instead, a plan slowly beginning to form in his mind. 

Even looked at him in exasperation. “Yes, Isak, I know Jonas and Eva.” 

“You know they used to date?” Even had no reaction to that, so he assumed the answer was yes. “They still hook up sometimes. When they’re bored.” Isak had no idea if this was true or not, but the story served his purposes well and Even seemed like the type of dude that would have enough tact not to bring it up later with Jonas. 

Even closed his eyes and shook his head, as if he were saying a silent prayer, but there was a brilliant smile on his face and Isak’s heart leapt. “Isak?” Even laughed. “Are you asking me to make out with you?” 

Isak shrugged with his whole body and looked to the ceiling as if it might be able to answer Even’s question instead. “I mean, it’s something to do. If you wanted to. Just to, like, pass the time.” 

Before he could finish his sentence, Even’s lips were on him. They crashed together like waves against the ocean and it had Isak’s blood boiling in seconds. His hands, which had been clasped at his sides, wound their way into Even’s soft blonde hair. He tugged on instinct and reveled in the way Even moaned into his mouth. It occurred to him that maybe he shouldn’t be touching Even at all. Maybe they were just supposed to be kissing and nothing else, but then he realized that Even’s hands were on him too, one around his waist and one cupping his cheek, guiding him down so that he was laying flat on the couch with Even propped above him. 

“Is this okay?” Even whispered into Isak’s ear, sending a thrill down his spine. Isak could feel Even’s heart beating against his and it was quite possibly the most arousing thing he had ever experienced, so he nodded. 

“ _So_ okay, you have no idea.” 

Even smirked against his neck and then dived back in. The kiss built in intensity and consumed Isak like a fire that couldn’t be quenched. Hands roamed bodies, leaving brands in their wake, and Isak could feel the ghost of Even’s touch long after his fingers moved on to the next inch of skin. 

When the heat got to be too much, Even slowed him down, turning the kiss into something slow and lazy. Something he could do for hours. But still, the tension mounted between them until they were both hard, grinding against each other to the rhythm of a music only they could hear. 

Isak had never made out with anyone before. He’d never wanted to. Now he didn’t want to stop. 

He wasn’t sure how long they lay there, worshipping each other’s bodies, but it was long enough that Even’s touch started to feel like it was tattooed on Isak’s skin. He was light-headed and his limbs felt heavy. He was also so ridiculously hard that it was a miracle he hadn’t come in his pants. Despite all of that, however, it still didn’t feel like they’d had enough time when the front door clicked open. They startled apart instantly, like it was a maneuver they’d been practicing, and Isak quickly grabbed the throw pillow they’d knocked to the floor and cradled it in his lap. 

“Halla, boys,” Eskild cried, turning the corner into the living room. “What are we watching?” 

“Uh,” Even murmured, his voice thick with what sounded a lot like desire. Isak chanced a glance to the other side of the couch and smirked when he noticed Even had a pillow strategically placed over his crotch as well. “ _Romeo + Juliet_.” 

Eskild squealed in delight. “I love this movie. Isak, scoot over.” So Isak moved back to his side of the couch and Eskild squeezed in between the two of them as Even unpaused the movie. Isak tried to pretend like he was paying attention, but there was a stupid grin on his face that he couldn’t quite shake and when he looked behind Eskild’s head, he was unsurprised to find Even staring back at him, his lips swollen and his hair mussed. An unfamiliar surge of pride shot through him. _He_ had done that. Even looked thoroughly wrecked and that was because of _him_. 

“I fucking hate you,” Even mouthed, nodding down to what Isak knew first-hand was a very swollen cock. Isak rolled his eyes, trying to look unaffected, but for the rest of the movie, all he could think about was how good it felt to be held in Even’s arms and kissed like he was someone worthy of being desired. 


	3. Chapter 3

It became a routine with them. Most of the time they acted like typical roommates, bickering over stupid things like who got to use the bathroom first and whose turn it was to vacuum; but, on occasion, they would also make out. 

Like friends do. 

It was chill. Everything was totally chill. So what if Isak had to initiate every single kiss? It wasn’t like Even didn’t kiss him back. _Enthusiastically_. So what if he found himself lying in bed at night mulling over words like “boyfriend” and “forever”? So what? He was fine. It was fine. Really. The line between “friends” and “more than friends” was blurry, but it was still there. He could still see it. If he squinted. 

A couple weeks after the _Romeo + Juliet_ incident, Isak came home from school horny as hell. He wasn’t sure exactly why, but he thought it might have something to do with the very noticeable hickey in the juncture of his neck that he’d been mashing on all day. Every time he did, it sent a jolt straight down to his dick as he remembered the feel of Even’s mouth on him, biting and sucking the sensitive skin until Isak was a squirming mess beneath him. 

He was already fantasizing about a repeat performance—hopefully one that involved less clothing if he could find a platonic way to spin that—when he walked into the kitchen and saw Even sitting at the table, glaring at his computer screen. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately, collapsing into the chair across from him. 

Even flicked his gaze up and gave Isak a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “It’s nothing,” he sighed, but then immediately continued. “Just this stupid group project I’m working on for history. I think my partner is actually an idiot. He just sent me his shit and it’s all wrong. All of it. Fuck, I’m going to have to re-do this.” He reached for his laptop and started aggressively backspacing something. 

“Make him do it,” Isak suggested. Even raised a doubtful eyebrow. “When’s it due?” 

Even finally relinquished his grip on the delete key and leaned back in his seat, running his hands through his hair. “Not until Monday,” he admitted. “I’m just _so_ stressed. And I know that stress can trigger an episode, which only makes me _more_ stressed.” He looked over at Isak, the lines on his forehead more pronounced than usual. Still, he was the most beautiful person Isak had ever laid eyes on. Maybe that’s why he said what he said next. 

“Would a blowjob help?” And, okay, _what_? Did he just offer his platonic roommate a _blowjob_? Where the hell did that come from? The kissing he could pass off as practice for girls if he had to, but a blowjob? Girls didn’t have _dicks_. But who was he kidding? After the way he’d moaned under Even’s tongue the night before, he doubted the boy had any misconceptions that Isak was completely straight. 

Even turned to him, eyes wide with shock, and Isak knew his face was blood red. “Did you just—?” He huffed out a laugh and then shook his head like he couldn’t even believe what he had just heard. Then, just when Isak thought he might pass out from the embarrassment of it all, Even shrugged. “You know what? It couldn’t fucking hurt.” 

Something in Isak settled when Even didn’t immediately laugh in his face, but his anxiety quickly returned when he realized that the logical next step to offering a blowjob was actually _giving_ a blowjob. Which he didn’t know how to do. 

“Have you ever given a blowjob before?” Isak asked, feeling almost faint at the thought of getting his mouth on Even’s dick. It was something he hadn’t actually realized he wanted until the words were coming out of his mouth—and it was absurd, really, the thought that this was about to happen. He felt like laughing. 

“Um, yeah, once,” Even admitted. “A long time ago.” 

“Okay,” Isak nodded. “Good. So you can talk me through it. It’s probably not going to be great or anything, but—” 

“Trust me, Isak,” Even stopped him. “Even a bad blowjob is better than no blowjob at all. Just keep your teeth away from the important bits.” Isak nodded again, mentally taking notes, and his attentiveness must have tipped Even off to his lack of experience because he continued. “Have you never had a blowjob before?” Isak’s blush darkened and he watched as Even’s eyes did the same from across the table. “Fuck. Okay, we’re definitely doing that.” 

“Okay,” he agreed. “But you first.” 

Even looked slightly dazed at the sound of his voice, but eventually nodded. “Me first.” 

Once that was decided, it got quiet. They were still sitting across from each other at the kitchen table and Isak knew that he should probably move, but his brain was too full to figure out where exactly to move _to_ , so they just sat there, waiting for the other to say something, both with identical pink stains on their cheeks. _I did this all wrong_ , he realized. He should have just kissed him like normal and then introduced the idea of a blowjob when they were both so turned on that they would agree to anything. That wouldn’t have been awkward. 

_This?_ This was awkward. 

“Um, here?” he finally asked. “Or…?” That seemed to jolt Even back to consciousness and he stood, holding his hand out for Isak to take. 

“God, no,” he said, pulling Isak out of his seat. Isak expected him to let go of his hand once he was standing, but instead he twined their fingers together like they were actually dating or something. Isak loved it. “The tile will hurt your knees. Plus, Eskild has a horrible habit of getting home at the worst fucking times. Let’s go to my room.” 

He led him by the hand through the apartment until they were locked safely behind Even’s bedroom door. Even dropped his hand without warning and the loss of contact was so abrupt it was almost painful, but before Isak really had a chance to miss it, Even took his face between his hands and kissed him hard. 

Isak whimpered against his lips—a completely involuntary sound that he would be embarrassed about later—and grabbed Even tightly by the waist, backing him towards the bed. When they reached it, Isak broke the kiss and pushed him so that he was sitting down. 

The curtains on Even’s windows were closed, but the last vestiges of the day’s sunlight were still shining through the fabric, making the tent in Even’s sweatpants obvious. Isak smirked down at it. “Yeah, smartass,” Even said, but it sounded so incredibly fond that Isak’s stomach flipped. “ _You_ did that. Now do something about it.” 

“As you wish,” he smirked and then fell to his knees. To keep the nerves at bay, Isak created a checklist in his head. Step one: get Even’s pants off. Step two: suck his dick. 

The first step was easy enough. He reached out and grabbed the waistband of Even’s sweatpants and boxers and began pulling them down. Even lifted his hips to make the task easier and after a little finagling, Even’s clothes were in a pile on the bedroom floor. There was a self-satisfied smirk on Isak’s face when he turned back to Even (Step one: check), but his confidence quickly faltered when he found himself face-to-face with a dick. 

It was a pretty dick, as far as dicks were concerned. Isak had watched a lot of porn in his lifetime and Even’s dick was definitely porn-worthy. Very photogenic. He thought briefly about complimenting it aloud because if he had a nice dick, he would want to know, but he wasn’t sure how to phrase that into something that didn’t sound horrendously desperate. 

As Isak watched, the beautiful dick twitched, like it was preening under the attention, and Isak felt his cheeks burn even brighter than they already were because he’d almost forgotten that the dick was attached to an actual person and he’d been staring at it for a good thirty seconds, practically salivating. He followed the line of it up, and met Even’s gaze. He expected him to look smug, but instead there was a hesitation there, a question in his eyes that Isak knew he was not ready to answer. He could hear it in the quiet room, almost as if Even had voiced it aloud. _What is this? What are we doing?_

Answering those questions was a far more daunting task than sucking Even’s cock, so Isak chose to do that instead. He moved closer so that he was situated between Even’s legs and then he reached forward tentatively, as if he were approaching a skittish animal, and ran a feather-light touch down the shaft before gripping him firmly around the base. Then he sat there, frozen, his thoughts bouncing around his head so fast it was almost painful. He knew this was the worst part—the anticipation. It was like diving into a pool of cold water. Once you jumped, it was fine. And even if it wasn’t fine, he trusted that Even would be there to catch him. 

“Isak,” Even started, pulling Isak’s attention back to him. “You don’t have to...” His voice was broken, like it took all of his strength to string even that together, and Isak knew that he meant what he was saying—knew that he could back out now and Even would never judge him for it—but he also knew that, despite his words, Even was thrusting his hips deeper into Isak’s hand, begging to be touched, and Isak wanted to give him that. More than anything. 

He stared Even straight in the eyes, wanting to memorize the exact shade of blue they turned when he was getting his cock sucked, closed his lips around the head, and slowly swallowed him down. The taste of Even’s precome was salty on his tongue, but it wasn’t unpleasant so Isak persisted, sucking and licking his way down the shaft. He watched as Even’s eyes rolled back in his head, but the older boy didn’t make a sound. Isak forced his attention away from Even’s face to actually focus on what he was doing and quickly worked up a rhythm that he imagined probably felt pretty fucking good. He wouldn’t know, though, because still Even said nothing. 

Isak took him deeper, and then faster, and then he used his tongue to lick at his slit and the underside of the head. Still nothing. Despite the frustrating silence, he knew Even was enjoying himself. Isak could feel his heart racing, could see his legs trembling beneath his touch. It was just disconcerting, not hearing _anything_. He looked up at Even from beneath his eyelashes and saw that Even’s eyes were closed. He was muttering something to himself so softly that Isak could not hear him and his hands were fisted in the bed sheets like he was in physical pain. 

“Dude,” Isak said, pulling off of Even’s cock with a _pop_. “Could you please fucking say something?” 

Even opened his eyes, clearly startled at being called out, but instantly let out a ragged moan and collapsed back onto the bed, like he couldn’t hold himself up any longer. “Fuck, Isak.” 

Isak’s own dick jumped within the confines of his jeans and he suddenly understood perfectly why Even had been trying to rein himself in. Because the sound of Isak’s name on Even’s lips when he was like this? It was intoxicating. He wanted to record it and play it over and over again forever. There was nothing platonic about it, not even a little bit. 

Wanting nothing more than to hear his name on Even’s lips again, and then another hundred times after that, he dove back in, taking Even deeper than he had managed before until he felt his cock hit the back of his throat. Isak swallowed around it on instinct and ended up gagging on it just a bit, but it was totally worth it to hear the way Even moaned. 

It turned out that, when given permission, Even was a very vocal lover. He moaned and groaned and whispered Isak’s name to any god that might be listening, and with every single sound he made, Isak felt himself grow harder and harder until his own cock was straining against the zipper of his jeans and he was thrusting against Even’s legs just to get some friction. He was desperate for release, half-crazed, and he knew his blowjob was getting sloppy, but he didn’t fucking care. 

“Fuck, Isak,” Even said again, pulling himself up on his elbows so that he could reach out and run his fingers through Isak’s hair. He scratched along his scalp and it felt so good, Isak almost came right then. “Shit, I’m about to come.” 

Isak registered the warning a second too late and before he had time to make an informed decision, Even’s cock was jerking on his tongue, shooting warm, salty liquid into Isak’s mouth. Isak tried to swallow it, thought that was probably the sexiest choice out of the options he was presented with, but there was a lot of come and he was still new to this. He pulled off when it got to be too much and ended up with a few spurts right to the face. 

He reared back, startled, but barely had time to be embarrassed about it before Even had grabbed him underneath the arms and pulled him onto the bed on top of him. He wiped the come off of his face and then kissed him fiercely, as if he had been waiting to do it all night. 

The kiss was nice, but it wasn’t what Isak needed. His body was trembling all over and he was so desperate for release that he thought it might tear him apart. “Even,” he breathed, breaking the kiss. “I need—” He broke off because he didn’t know how to put a name to what he was feeling. 

“I know,” Even nodded frantically, his fingers trailing down Isak’s body until they got to the zipper of his jeans. Isak moaned at the brush of his hand against him, but it wasn’t enough. He buried his face in Even’s neck, his breath leaving a damp spot against his pale skin, as Even made quick work of Isak’s jeans, pushing them down to his ankles. Isak didn’t even have the strength to kick them off. 

As soon as his cock was free, he started thrusting shamelessly against Even’s hip. “Fuck, Even, I need—” 

“I know,” he whispered, reaching up to caress Isak’s face. “Come here.” He grabbed Isak’s bare ass and pulled him closer until Isak was able to work up a rhythm against his hip. It wasn’t entirely comfortable, rubbing against him without any lube or spit to ease the way, but he was too far gone to care. Even’s lips found the hollow of his throat and began working on a second hickey as his hands kneaded Isak’s ass, pulling him ever closer. It was only a few seconds later before Isak came with a cry that sounded like it was punched out of him. Even held him through the whole thing, whispering soft encouragements in his ear, and even when Isak’s trembling stopped, Even still held him close, running his hands up and down his still-clothed back in reassurance. 

It was several minutes later, when Isak finally started to come down from his high, that he began to worry he was overstaying his welcome. He didn’t want to move, wanted to stay wrapped in Even’s arms for the rest of the night (or forever, maybe), but he forced himself to pull back. Before he’d even picked himself off of Even’s chest, however, Even was drawing him back in. 

“Two more minutes,” he muttered against Isak’s throat. “Please.” Isak collapsed back onto him with a pleased grin and reveled in another couple minutes of silence. Eventually, though, he knew he had to move. 

“Even, we’re gross,” he laughed. “You have to let me up.” 

“Fine,” Even groaned, rolling Isak off of him so that he could sit. He then pulled the T-shirt he was wearing over his head and used it to wipe the drying cum off of first himself and then Isak. Isak grumbled when he felt the rough material against his skin. 

“That’s not what I fucking meant,” he said, but he supposed it was good enough. He watched as Even, now completely naked, crossed the room and grabbed a clean pair of boxers out of his drawer. Isak was so distracted by his well-toned ass that he didn’t even notice Even holding out a pair to him as well until he laughed at the vacant look on Isak’s face. 

“Thanks,” Isak muttered, his blush returning as he finally kicked his jeans to the floor and pulled on the red plaid boxers Even tossed him. His shirt had somehow miraculously come out of everything unscathed, so he kept it on. 

Even then climbed back into bed and lay down, staring up at where Isak was still sitting, trying to figure out whether he was supposed to stay or go. He felt his heart seize at the thought of leaving—knew that if he did, he would spend all night lying awake, trying to figure out what the hell he had just done—but he had never stayed before. He worried about crossing that line that was getting blurrier by the second. He didn’t want to take it too far and scare Even away. 

Even’s forehead wrinkled in confusion at the probably constipated look on Isak’s face and he reached out to run his fingers over Isak’s knee. The two boys opened their mouths at the same time, but Isak was the one who spoke first. 

“I should probably go,” he said, but he made no move to leave. The soft look on Even’s face disappeared in a second and he slowly pulled his hand away. 

“Oh. Okay.” His voice was hard, detached, and it left Isak feeling empty. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew immediately that Even was mad at his abrupt dismissal and it left him reeling. Did Even actually want him to stay? Could he be that lucky? He was just about to take his words back and cuddle into Even’s side instead when the older boy shrugged, his face unreadable. “I need to work on that fucking history project anyway.” 

And what was Isak supposed to say to that? He sat there for another few seconds, watching Even for any sign of anger or regret, but he was already digging through his bedside table, determinedly not meeting Isak’s gaze. Isak swallowed down the sudden influx of emotion building in his throat and climbed out of bed, gathering his discarded clothes off of the floor on his way to the door. 

His hand was wrapped around the doorknob when Even spoke again. “Hey, Isak?” He turned to find Even staring up at him, trying to fake a smile, but his eyes were no longer sparkling like they had only minutes before. Isak let himself hope that maybe he was going to ask him to stay, and for a second it even looked like he might. Instead, after a long pause, the smile slipped from Even's face and he heaved a weary sigh before shrugging helplessly. “Thanks for the blowjob.” 

His words felt like a punch to the gut. Isak doubted he meant it to sound cruel, but something about the crassness of the words stung. It was like Even was dismissing everything Isak had felt—completely ignoring the emotions involved and diminishing what they had done to just two dudes getting each other off. 

But, of course, that was exactly what they were. 

Isak nodded, not trusting himself to speak, and stepped out of the room. He didn’t even make it back to his own bed before the first tear fell. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the cliffhanger, guys! But in the words of the great Sana Bakkoush: I'll fix it.


	4. Chapter 4

Even was acting weird the next morning—that was the only way Isak knew how to explain it. He was overly polite, almost formal even, asking him how he’d slept and whether he wanted Even to make him eggs. He then dived into a seven-minute monologue about Germany’s occupation of Norway during World War II, which was apparently what his history project was about, and it was only after he left the apartment altogether that Isak realized he hadn’t spoken a word since telling Even that no, he did not want eggs, but thank you for asking. 

Once again, it seemed that Even was pretending nothing had happened and Isak understood, even if he wasn’t happy about it. They didn’t have to say anything—they both knew they had crossed a line in Even’s bedroom the night before. They’d never set any boundaries for their little arrangement, but if Even had caught even a whiff of what Isak was feeling, he had every right to put some distance between them. Isak was sure he didn’t want some closeted gay kid getting his emotions all over him when all he had wanted was a convenient fuck. He hadn’t signed up to be someone’s sexual awakening. 

It still hurt though, pretending that he hadn’t cried himself to sleep the night before. He wasn’t sure he could live through that kind of rejection again, so he kept his distance and followed Even’s lead, pretending that he had never seen him naked and didn’t know what he looked like when he came. 

Because Isak was tiptoeing around Even, it took him almost a week to realize that the older boy was avoiding him too. He was maintaining a strict five-foot distance between them at all times and if Isak stepped any closer than that, even if it was just to grab a plate out of the cabinet, Even would sidle out of his reach. Once he noticed that, he started noticing other things too. Like how Even came home later and later in the afternoons and was spending more time alone in his room. When he did wander out into the main living area, his conversations with Isak were superficial at best. They would talk about the weather or classes or what girl Magnus was trying to bang that week, but they never talked about themselves and they definitely didn’t talk about the fact that whatever they had between them was apparently dead. Gone without a trace, like it had never happened at all. 

At first he worried that maybe Even was having an episode. He had explained his bipolar disorder to Isak and Eskild when he first moved in and the symptoms seemed to fit. When he brought it up to Eskild, however, he quickly brushed it off. 

“He’s been perfectly normal around me. Maybe you just did something to piss him off.” 

Isak sighed. “Yeah, maybe.” 

So he went through his days with a dull ache in his chest. It wasn’t even the kissing that he missed. Just Even. Things used to be so easy between them, but now it was like trudging through molasses. If he had known Even was the price he’d pay for asking what it was like to kiss boys, he would have rather stayed ignorant. 

Or at least that’s what he tried to tell himself. The truth was that Even had opened a door to a world Isak had never known existed. A world where being himself didn’t seem as scary as he’d always imagined it to be. But that same world had saddled him with a pain like nothing he had ever felt. He had been dubious about love and heartbreak before starting whatever the hell he had started with Even and now, after it had ended, he was well-acquainted with both. 

It was almost two weeks later and in an effort to lure Even out of his room and get him to talk about something substantial, Isak was sitting in front of the TV, wrapped in a warm blanket, watching Even’s copy of _The Great Gatsby._ The movie was halfway over and Isak had almost given up hope of his plan working when he heard Even’s door creak open. When he stepped into the room, however, he was not dressed for movie night. His hair was perfectly styled and he was wearing dark jeans with a nice shirt, clearly ready to go out. Isak’s stomach dropped. 

Even froze in the doorway, his eyes glued to the television screen, and although Isak knew he would not be able to stay, he felt slightly vindicated by the longing look Even threw towards the couch. It was the most emotion he’d seen from him in days. 

“Where are you going?” Isak asked, drawing Even’s attention towards him. 

“Um,” Even said, turning to look at him for the first time. It was dark in the room, but Isak could have sworn Even’s cheeks were redder than usual. “Dinner. If I can find my keys, that is. Have you seen them?” Isak shook his head and then watched in amusement as Even started searching around the room. He eventually found them tucked into the cushions of Eskild’s old recliner and he pulled them out with a pleased hum before pocketing them. 

Isak knew he should just let Even go, but his curiosity got the better of him. “Who are you going to dinner with?” He burrowed further into his blanket for protection because he knew what Even was going to say long before he actually said it. He just needed to hear it. Needed to know for sure that what they had was over so he could move on. 

“Sonja,” Even admitted, breaking eye contact. His eyes flitted around the room nervously. Isak had known it was coming for days, but that still didn’t lessen the impact of Even's words. He knew that what they had done behind closed doors left Even feeling off-kilter—he could see it in every one of their interactions since then—but he had hoped it wouldn’t push him back to _her_. 

The two of them stared at each other until it became awkward, but even then neither looked away. The weight of their unsaid words sat heavily in the space between them. Isak hoped Even would take the initiative and give him some fucking explanation but, like it had always been with them, Isak found that he was the one that had to speak first. 

“Oh,” he said, forcing a fake smile onto his face. “Well have fun.” 

“It’s not a date,” Even corrected, like that was an important point to get across. Isak shrugged. Even and Sonja had been on-again-off-again about five times in just the few months he’d been living at the apartment. If it wasn’t a date now, it would be soon. 

Isak had been holding out hope that maybe Even might change his mind and come running back to him offering more than just his body, but If he had Sonja, he wouldn’t need Isak anymore (not that he seemed to need him much in the first place). He would be able to get his kisses and orgasms from a beautiful girl who probably knew what the hell she was doing. “I think she wants it to be, though,” Even added quietly. And yeah, Isak had already figured that much out for himself, thanks. 

He wasn’t sure what else to say, so he just nodded. He hoped that the glow from the TV screen wasn’t bright enough to make his disappointment obvious, but if the way Even was chewing on his lip was any indication, it was. 

“I mean, what do you think?” he asked after a tense minute of silence. “Do you think I should get back together with her?” Isak scrunched his nose and closed his eyes, the question physically causing him pain. He felt his throat close up, so he just shrugged, not wanting to break down in tears over the memory of a fantasy relationship that had never even existed. 

“Isak,” Even begged, his voice breaking over the name. He sounded distraught. He sounded _heartbroken._ Isak’s eyes snapped open. Even was standing in the same place he’d been before, but his confident façade had slipped. He was slumped over, his hands buried in his pockets, and for the first time, Isak noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes. “I don’t know what you want from me. You have to give me _something_.” 

And suddenly it clicked. It was something about the desperation in Even’s voice, the panic, that reminded Isak of what he saw in the mirror every morning. It seemed impossible that Even could be feeling as lost and unmoored as he was, and yet… 

Isak knew he needed to say something, but his throat was dry and he couldn’t find the words. Even’s face crumbled, but he kept talking. “If you can’t admit that you want to be with me, at least admit that you don’t want me to be with anyone else and I won't, Isak. I promise I won't.” 

Isak sat back, stunned. Could it really be that easy? But still he hesitated. He thought back to the way Even always made him ask for kisses and how he had freaked after the blowjob, and he knew that he didn’t want to go through that again. Before he could even begin to sort out the thoughts scrambling around in his brain, Even huffed out an aggrieved sigh and turned towards the door. “Good night, Isak,” he said, and this time he didn’t try to hide the bitterness. Isak watched him walk away and in his heart, he knew that if he let him go, it would be for the last time. The door was already open when Isak finally found the courage to speak. 

“Wait,” he said, holding his hand out like he might physically be able to stop him. Even turned at his words, as if he’d been waiting for them, but his face was still shrouded in doubt. Isak swallowed. “I _do_ want to be with you. I…I thought you knew that.” _I thought that was why you were running away_. 

Slowly, Even’s face broke out in a brilliant smile that shined as bright as the sun. Isak felt himself mirroring Even’s happiness as if it were infectious. 

“Really?” Even asked, bouncing excitedly from foot to foot. Isak laughed at his enthusiasm and nodded. “Well, okay then.” He stared at Isak in disbelief and there was a hunger there, but for what Isak wasn’t sure. “Fuck,” he cried, running his hands through his hair. “I still have to meet Sonja though. I need to end this for real if me and you are going to—” He broke off but the words he left unsaid filled Isak’s stomach with butterflies. “I won’t be gone long. Will you wait for me?” 

Once again doubting his ability to speak—but this time for a very different reason—Isak nodded. The smile returned and Even stared down at him, shaking his head in bemused disbelief, before finally stepping outside. 

When the door shut behind him, Isak collapsed back onto the couch, grinning like a lunatic. 

* 

Somewhere along the way, Isak must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew, a warm body was crawling into his bed with him, lifting his arm so that they could cuddle into his side. Isak blinked awake, spotted Even’s mop of blonde hair beneath his chin, and pulled him closer as Even wrapped his arm firmly around Isak’s waist. 

“Shh,” Even soothed, looking up into Isak’s eyes. “Go back to sleep. We can talk in the morning.” Isak nodded because yeah, sleep sounded really fucking good, but there was one thing he had to do first. He leaned in, cupped Even’s face in his hand and kissed him. It was a chaste kiss this time, only a peck, but it was enough to tide him over until morning. When he pulled away, Even buried his smile in Isak’s neck, and nuzzled even closer to him until their legs were tangled together in a heap. 

“Can I just say one thing?” Isak asked, carding his fingers through Even’s hair like he had wanted to do for weeks. “If I don’t say it now, I’m not going to be able to go back to sleep.” He’d been practicing the words all night and he was scared he might forget them if he slept on it any longer. Even nodded and placed one soft kiss on his neck, encouraging him to continue. Isak’s grogginess disappeared as adrenaline shot through his body. This was it. This was the moment he’d been dreading his whole life and it seemed only right that Even would be the first to hear it. 

“I wasn’t sure before,” he said, “Or at least I pretended I wasn’t sure before. But now I know.” He paused and took a breath. “I’m gay.” 

Isak let the words fly free after years of captivity. He felt free too. He knew that Even already knew—knew that Even had probably known for a while—but he still felt the need to tell him first. It was an apology of sorts, but also a confession: _I’m gay and kissing you meant something to me. Kissing you meant_ everything _to me._

Even smiled against his neck and wrapped his arms around him tighter. “You kissed a boy and you liked it?” he mumbled against Isak’s skin and he couldn’t help but laugh. It bubbled out of him like champagne from a bottle, uncontrollable and beautiful. 

“Yeah, I guess I did,” he admitted, leaning down to kiss Even’s forehead. 

“Go to sleep, Isak,” Even said, nosing deeper into his neck. “We’ll talk in the morning.” 

* 

Isak woke a few hours later to the sight of brilliant blue eyes staring back at him. “Good morning,” Even said, reaching out to tuck a curl behind Isak’s ear. Isak, who half-expected to wake up and find that the night before had only been a dream, couldn’t contain his giddy smile. 

“Good morning.” And then they were kissing in that lazy way he’d always imagined couples did on a Saturday morning when there was nothing to do and nowhere to go—when the whole day was laid before them, full of endless possibilities, and the only thing they wanted to do was spend time with each other. 

Isak wasn’t sure how long they kissed, but it felt like quite a while. It was long enough for him to start getting worked up, but Even never allowed him the friction to actually get off. When Isak would try to intensify the kiss, Even would only slow him back down with a smile and a small _tsk_ if he was getting particularly feisty. It was nice, kissing only for the sake of kissing. 

When Even finally pulled away what felt like a small eternity later, Isak’s lips were swollen and numb and he had to work to catch his breath. “Hi,” he smiled. 

Even chuckled, his hand still rubbing soothing patterns on Isak’s cheek. “Hi.” 

It was the calm before the storm and they both knew it. Eventually, Even heaved a heavy sigh, leaned forward to kiss Isak on the cheek, and then sat up in bed, letting the covers fall to his waist. Isak wasn’t quite ready to leave the sanctity of the bed they had shared, but he knew it was time. He sat up as well and crossed his legs in front of him. 

“So…” he started. 

“So,” Even agreed. They were both silent for a few more long seconds and then Even reached between them to take Isak’s right hand in his. “Listen,” he started. “I’m sorry I’ve been…distant lately.” 

“Distant?” Isak snorted. “You’ve been fucking avoiding me.” 

Even rolled his eyes, but Isak wasn’t sure if he was frustrated at the interruption or the comment itself. “Okay, fine, Isak. I was avoiding you. Happy?” Yes, actually, Isak was. “I just couldn’t do the casual thing anymore. And I’m sorry about that, but being with you without actually _being_ with you? It was fucking killing me. Sometimes I thought you wanted more, but other times I couldn’t tell. I thought _finally_ after you asked if you could give me a fucking blowjob, maybe something would have clicked, but then you just left. And it hurt. I had no idea where your head was at. I thought maybe you were just messing around with me, which was _fine_ because we never talked about it, but I couldn’t just be your fuck buddy anymore. It was tearing me apart.” 

“I wasn’t messing around with you,” Isak said, shaking his head. “I thought _you_ were messing around with _me_. You never acted like you wanted to kiss me. I always had to ask _you_ for it.” 

Even looked at him in disbelief. “Fuck, Isak,” he cried, releasing Isak’s hand to throw his own into the air. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since the moment I met you. After that night in the kitchen? All I wanted to do was kiss you _all the time_ , but I didn’t want to scare you away. I knew you weren’t out. I didn’t want to mess with that. But then you asked me to kiss you _again_ and I—God, I don’t think you know what you do to me. That blowjob? I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about _you_.” Isak felt a blush rise to his cheeks and he looked over at Even shyly. “I just—I don’t want to pressure you or anything, but I need to know. What are we?” 

Isak tried to put into words exactly what he was feeling, but he didn’t think the words existed to explain just how happy and loved and accepted he felt in Even’s arms. When he had been silent for too long, he shrugged helplessly. “You’re my everything.” He hadn’t meant for it to sound so cheesy, but if Even’s taste in movies was anything to go by, he wouldn’t mind. Sure enough, his face lit up like Isak had told him he loved him or something. 

“Yeah?” Even asked, already reaching towards him. Isak nodded and laughed joyously against his lips as he pulled him in for another long, slow kiss that curled his toes and whispered a promise of many more to come. 


	5. Chapter 5

Before Isak and Even started dating, Isak had only pictured having a boyfriend in an abstract way. He imagined the physical things—the handholding, the kissing, the sex. He thought about how nice it would be to have someone that he could be himself around. Someone that knew the deepest, darkest parts of him, but loved him anyway. 

And Even _was_ all of those things, but the reality of being in a relationship was much different. It wasn’t just handholding and kissing and sex. It was waking up in the morning, cocooned in another person’s arms, feeling safe and loved for the first time in years. It was being late for school because your boyfriend just had to “suck your dick right now or I’m gonna die.” It was holding hands in the cafeteria at lunch (underneath the table, of course, because Isak still hadn’t found the time to talk to his friends). It was trying to make a nice dinner when your boyfriend had an assignment due and then breaking down in near-tears when the whole thing erupted in flames. It was staying up late watching black and white movies when one of you couldn’t sleep. It was falling into bed every night with someone who meant the world to you and knowing that they would still be there when the sun rose. 

It was _almost_ perfect. 

Almost, because Isak still wasn’t out and he had made a promise to himself early on that until he was, sex was off of the table. When he had sex for the first time, he didn’t want it to be something he had to hide. He didn’t want Even to think he was ashamed of him—ashamed of _them_. Also, he figured a vow of chastity was probably the best possible motivator to get him to swallow his fear and actually do it. 

Still, he warned Even that he was going to have to be patient. “I’m going to tell them, I promise. I just need some time to figure out how to do it.” 

“I get that,” Even had said, pulling him in by the cheeks to kiss his forehead. “Seriously, Isak, it’s fine. We live together. I’m not going to complain about not being able to kiss you in public. Take your time. It’s a big step.” And Even _had_ been patient. _So_ fucking patient. Isak was the impatient one. 

Every day it became a little more difficult to remember that he wasn’t allowed to touch Even outside of the walls of their apartment. He would find himself running his hand down Even’s back or tracing patterns on his jeans beneath the lunch table before he would realize that platonic friends did not do that. No one ever said anything, but it still felt like a dark cloud hanging over him. He wanted it gone. He wanted to really be with Even. He wanted to walk to school holding hands and kiss him between classes, out in the open where everybody could see. 

So he thought long and hard about it and decided Eskild was a good place to start. The two of them were eating dinner in the kitchen and Eskild was talking about some guy he might or might not hook up with from Grindr. He’d been carrying the conversation by himself for a good fifteen minutes before Isak finally blurted out, “Me and Even have, kind of, a thing.” 

Eskild paused what he was saying and looked up from his phone, clearly unimpressed. “You and Even have, kind of, a thing?” he mocked. “Please, Isak. His bed hasn’t been slept in for weeks and you’re not exactly quiet.” He bought him a dozen rainbow cupcakes the next day to celebrate and that was that. 

Feeling more confident after that encounter, Isak tried to get Jonas alone over the next few days to tell him as well, but the opportunity never presented itself and he couldn’t wait any longer. When the boys invited themselves over for pre-drinks on Friday, he decided he would tell them all then. 

The four of them plus Even were sitting around the same small wooden table they’d been sitting at on the night everything started, only this time Even’s chair was even closer to Isak’s and he was playing with Isak’s fingers underneath the table. They were both tipsy and Isak was so nervous he could barely feel his fingertips to begin with, but it was nice, being able to share Even with his friends. Even if they didn’t know just how much it meant to him. 

The boys kept flitting from topic to topic and Isak tried to keep up—tried to find an opening in the conversation to jump in with “So guess what? I’m gay.”—but every time someone shut up, someone else would start talking. He had almost given up when Magnus shushed everyone and the room fell quiet. 

“We should play ‘Never Have I Ever’ again,” he cried to a now-familiar chorus of groans. 

“You only want to play because you want to know how far Even’s gone with a guy,” Jonas said, and then turned to Even. “He won’t stop fucking talking about it.” 

“I bet you 1000 kroner he’s gone farther with a guy than you have with a girl,” Mahdi heckled around a sip of his beer and the boys started laughing. 

Magnus waved them off good-naturedly, but their mocking didn’t stop him from starting the game himself. “Never have I ever given a blowjob.” 

“Never have you ever _gotten_ a blowjob,” Mahdi added, but Isak was too distracted to find it funny, thinking about how Even had practically sucked his brain out through his dick only a few hours ago in the shower. It then occurred to him that maybe this was his chance. He could come out and he wouldn’t even have to say anything. 

“You could have just asked,” Even joked, reaching out to ruffle Magnus’s hair playfully. Magnus ducked out from beneath his touch. Isak watched Even closely and when he raised his glass to his lips with a self-satisfied smirk, Isak joined him. He closed his eyes and swallowed down way more beer than was probably appropriate for a simple “Never Have I Ever’” question, but he felt like he needed the liquid courage. When he finally opened his eyes and set his drink down, the four boys were staring back at him in surprise. 

“So, I might be a little gay,” he announced into a silence so thick it was stifling. Even snorted at his choice of words, but quickly turned it into a cough. “With Even,” he added because if he was going down, he was taking Even with him. 

There was a pause wherein a million different emotions flashed across his friends’ faces, but Magnus was the one that found words first. “What the hell?” he cried, throwing his arms into the air. Isak’s stomach fell, but before he could get too worried, Magnus continued. “You get all the chicks you want _and_ you get Even? How is that fucking fair? You’re not even that attractive!” 

“I think he’s very attractive,” Even said, reaching out to brush his fingers down Isak’s face, but Isak quickly swatted him away. 

“Fuck this,” Magnus decided. “I’m going to be a virgin forever. Wait, have you two had sex?” Isak started to stutter out an indignant reply, his cheeks red, but Even interrupted him. 

“I think that’s enough questions for today,” he chuckled. Jonas, seeming to sense his best friend’s discomfort, instantly changed the subject. 

The boys left for their party about an hour later, but Isak chose to stay home. Even had never intended to go in the first place and the thought of leaving him tonight was too much. Not when there was unbridled joy singing in his veins at finally being out to the people he loved. He didn’t want to share that with anyone but Even. 

They began to clean up the kitchen, just as they had that first night, only this time they paused every couple of minutes to make out against the counter and although Isak wouldn’t have traded their first kiss for anything, it was better now, knowing that Even wanted the exact same things he did. Soon the discarded beer bottles lay forgotten around them. Even had Isak perched on the counter and was standing between his legs, kissing him so passionately that Isak couldn’t think about anything but the feel of Even’s lips moving against his. 

Even’s hands found their way underneath Isak’s T-shirt and then he was tracing bare skin, drawing patterns on the small of Isak’s back, igniting something within him at every touch. He wanted to pull his shirt off, give Even access to every inch of his bare skin, but they were still in the kitchen and Eskild had a very strict ‘no fucking on counters’ policy. Still, Isak’s blood was running hot, his cock was rapidly hardening in his pants, and he _was_ out now. That had been the only thing stopping him before. 

After several more minutes of frantic touching, Isak managed to pull his lips away long enough to speak. Even wasted no time in moving to kiss his neck instead. 

“We _could_ , you know,” Isak panted, leaning in to the feel of Even’s tongue on his pulse point. “Have sex, I mean.” Even pulled away from him immediately, his eyes wide with surprise. “Maybe not tonight. I don’t have stuff tonight. But soon?” 

Even just kept staring and Isak knew that if his brain was running as slow as Isak’s was, he needed to be patient and give him time to process what Isak had just said. Still, it felt like minutes later when Even finally closed his gaping mouth and smiled up at Isak sheepishly. 

“I have stuff.” 

Isak blinked in surprise. “You have stuff?” 

Even moved out of Isak’s personal space and crossed the room to lean against the table. It was amazing how much clearer he could think when Even wasn’t touching him. “I know we never talked about it, but you were coming home every other day wanting to try some new sexual activity. I felt bad that I didn’t have any condoms the first time you asked to give me a blowjob, so I went out and bought some.” He must have noticed the mild look of panic on Isak’s face, because he continued. “That doesn’t mean we have to have sex _tonight_. I’m just saying I have stuff. You know, if you wanted to.” 

And fuck, of course Isak _wanted_ to, but he was also insanely nervous because he had never done this before. With a girl _or_ with a guy. He trusted Even more than he trusted himself, but there was still something so scary about offering all of you to another person. Isak stared at the beautiful boy in front of him for several long seconds, drinking him in. “How does this work?” 

“Sex?” Even chuckled. “I’ve seen your browsing history, Isak. Shouldn’t you know this by now?” 

Isak rolled his eyes, but the joke set him at ease. It was just Even. He could do this. “I understand the logistics,” he snapped. “I just…” He waffled over what to say next, but eventually just spit it out, hoping it wouldn’t sound too offensive. He’d heard once that if you couldn’t talk about sex, then you shouldn’t be having it. So, fuck it. He was going to talk about it. “Which one of us would do the actual _fucking_?” 

“Oh,” Even said, his cheeks flaming red. “Well, that’s up to you, I guess. I’m fine with either.” He broke off and swallowed down what seemed a lot like nerves. “Isak, have you ever...Have you ever done this before? With anyone?” Isak slowly shook his head. “Well then, if you want to top, you should. It might be easier. I don’t know what you do…in your alone time, but I’ve fingered myself before. I have toys.” 

Isak closed his eyes on the image of Even fucking himself with a vibrator. God, was he _trying_ to kill him? Despite how much Isak wanted to and despite how hot the image of Even writhing around his cock was, the thought of being inside of him was too much for right now. He didn’t know what he was doing and he knew he wasn’t going to last long. He was already trembling just thinking about what the night held and he wasn’t sure he could hold himself together long enough to get through what Even was asking of him. No, tonight he needed someone to take care of _him._

“Can you come here?” He asked, holding his arms out for Even. He needed to touch him. Needed to feel his heartbeat and know that he was real. Even walked towards him wordlessly and wrapped his arms around the younger boy until he was enveloped in love and warmth. “I want _you_ to fuck _me_ tonight,” he whispered against Even’s neck and he felt him shiver in his arms. The words sounded crude on his lips, so he added. “I’m so turned on, I can’t fucking think. I trust you with this more than I trust myself. Please, Even.” 

Even nodded against him and then pulled him into one last deep kiss. “As you wish.” He grabbed Isak’s legs and manually wrapped them around his waist before lifting him and carrying him to his bed. Isak laughed the whole way. 

They were well-practiced at removing each other’s clothes by that point, so it didn’t take long before both boys were naked, breathing heavily and grinding against each other, their bodies flushed from lust and their shared body heat. Isak was lying back on the bed with Even propped above him and they stayed like that, kissing each other desperately, until Isak’s heartbeat slowed from panic to excitement. His cock was already plump against his thigh and he was only a second away from begging Even to get on with it when the boy tore his lips away from Isak’s and began kissing down his torso, circling each of his nipples with his tongue, and sucking a dark purple hickey onto the line of his ribs. 

Isak knew where his mouth was headed long before it reached its destination, but that didn’t stop the excitement from building. His cock got harder, anticipating the warmth of Even’s mouth, and Isak’s breath started coming out in ragged pants. 

When Even finally reached his swollen cock, he paused above it, his breath tickling the flushed skin and making it jump. “Tell me if this gets to be too much,” he warned, looking up at Isak from beneath his white-blonde lashes. Isak nodded, closing his eyes against the sight of Even spread out before him because that certainly qualified as “too much.” Hell, who was he kidding? It was all too much. His heartbeat was stampeding in his chest and he felt light-headed from the force of it. 

Before Isak had mentally prepared himself, his cock was wrapped in a familiar warmth and he let out a broken moan that echoed off of the walls of Even’s tiny bedroom. Even worked him over slowly, kissing up and down the length first before twirling his tongue around like it was a fucking lollipop or something. He wasn’t going fast enough to get Isak off, just fast enough to drive him crazy. A second later, as Even’s right hand moved from fondling his balls to tracing the ribbed muscle around his rim, he realized that the blowjob wasn’t foreplay. It was a distraction. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, throwing his head back onto the pillow. He could feel Even smile around his cock. His finger kept circling Isak’s rim, pressing lightly and then a little harder, but never penetrating the tight ring of muscle. It wasn’t until Isak started thrusting forward, silently begging Even to do _something_ , that Even gave Isak’s cock a particularly hard suck and then backed off. The cold air hitting his wet cock sent a shiver down his spine, but he was quickly distracted from that slight discomfort as Even’s mouth moved lower. It took much too long for Isak to realize what was about to happen and when he did, his cock twitched excitedly against his stomach. 

Even, noticing this, bit Isak playfully on one of his ass cheeks and then lifted his head from between Isak’s legs with a smirk. “Is this okay?” Isak didn’t trust himself to speak, so he nodded. Even grabbed him by the hips, pulling him a little bit closer to his mouth. Then his finger, which had never paused its path around Isak’s rim, was replaced with Even’s tongue. 

The sound that came out of Isak’s mouth was inhuman. He had seen guys get rimmed in porn, but he had no idea this was something people actually did in real life. Even licked around the outside of him for almost a full minute before his tongue slowly started pressing inside, taking the last of Isak’s self-control with it. He was a fucking mess and they had barely gotten started. Even’s tongue was soon joined by deft fingers and Isak was unsurprised that the first slipped in easily, leaving only a slight burn in its wake. He’d fingered himself before, alone in bed at night, thinking of this very moment, and although the angle didn’t allow him to get quite as deep, it wasn’t an altogether unfamiliar sensation. 

Even kept licking and sucking and biting until one finger became two and Isak was done. He was thrusting back against Even’s fingers like a wild animal, mindless, but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t breath. He couldn’t think. 

“Even, I need to come,” he whined. “Please let me come.” Even finally paused his ministrations to look up at Isak and the sight of his swollen, wet lips almost set him off right then. “Fuck, Even, please.” 

“Can you get it up again?” Even asked, glancing down at Isak’s painfully hard cock. 

Isak nodded frantically. “I’m seventeen and this is my first time having sex. What do you think?” Even smirked up at him, but seemed to take his pleas to heart because the next thing Isak knew, Even had his mouth back around Isak’s cock and he was curling two fingers inside of him, hitting him in just the right spot. Isak let out a choked off whine as he came, shooting hot cords of cum down Even’s throat. The older boy swallowed every last drop and then licked his lips once he pulled away. 

“Fuck,” Isak cried, collapsing back into the bed, his chest heaving with exertion. 

Even chuckled, looking thoroughly pleased with himself. “You’re not done yet, baby.” He then returned to his spot at the foot of the bed and continued stretching Isak out finger by finger. Isak was sensitive, but Even kept away from his prostate, and after only a couple minutes, Isak’s cock began to stiffen once more. 

“Damn, that was fast,” Even snorted. 

“Told ya.” He reached out and stroked himself a few times to distract from the burn of Even’s fingers inside of him, and it felt good—so good. “Even, I’m ready,” he huffed, once again squirming on the mattress. “I can’t take much more of this.” 

Even laughed, but slowly did as Isak asked and extracted his fingers from inside of him, wiping the excess lube off on his light blue sheets. Despite the amount of time they’d spent prepping, Isak still felt his heartbeat rev into overdrive as Even made his way to Isak’s lips. This was it. This was really about to happen. 

He took Isak’s lips in his and kissed him so hard it was almost painful. It was more teeth than anything, but in that kiss, he could feel just how much Even wanted him—not only physically, but emotionally as well—and it set him at ease. Isak had just relaxed into the kiss when suddenly the world was turned on its head. Even had used his weight to flip them and now he was the one lying back on the bed, while Isak straddled his waist. It was the first time he had seen Even’s cock since they got started and he couldn’t miss how hard he was, standing erect in front of him, already coated in precome. Isak swallowed at the sight, trying not to worry about how the hell that whole thing was going to fit inside of him. 

“I thought maybe we could do it like this,” Even panted, drawing Isak’s attention back to him. He ran his hands over Isak’s hips and up his sides, touching every inch of skin he could get his hands on. “If you want to. That way you can control how fast we go.” There was something so vulnerable about the request and Isak’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Even, seeming to understand the silent question, continued. “I’m scared of hurting you, Isak. I don’t want to fuck it up.” 

Isak was so overwhelmed by the sincerity in his voice that he lunged forward and kissed him again. When he finally pulled away, he looked into Even’s blue eyes and saw something there that resonated even stronger than the lust. He might have been imagining it, but he thought it looked a lot like love. 

“We can do it like this,” he agreed when he finally found the breath Even had stolen from him. Although his heart was still racing, he found that he wasn’t scared anymore. He wasn’t sure if it was Even himself that had set him at ease or his previous orgasm, but he thought it might be the former. With that decided, Even reached for a foil-wrapped condom on his bedside table and rolled it on. Suddenly, everything became very real, but Isak was ready. 

He reached out and guided Even’s lube-slick cock towards his entrance. He took one last deep breath and then slowly began to lower himself down, allowing Even to enter him inch by excruciating inch. He’d been hesitant at first when Even suggested this position, but he was more than grateful for it now because although it didn’t hurt, exactly, it didn’t feel great either. There was an intense pressure building as he took Even farther in and several times he had to pause and let himself adjust before sinking down farther. The most he’d ever given himself was two fingers. Even was way bigger than two fingers. 

“Hey,” Even said, reaching out to touch Isak’s cheek. Isak opened his eyes, surprised to find that he had ever closed them. Even lay beneath him, pupils dilated so far his eyes were almost black, and Isak could tell by the way his body was trembling that it was taking something out of him to stay still as Isak took him in. “You good?” 

“Yeah,” Isak said, his voice breaking slightly over the word. “Sorry. I just—” 

“Don’t you dare fucking apologize,” Even said. He then reached out and ran his fingernails lightly over Isak’s flagging cock, instantly bringing him back to life, and it was enough of a distraction that Isak was finally able to sit down on Even’s hipbones, his cock now fully buried inside. 

He rocked forward, just to see what it felt like, and, yeah, okay, that felt good. Even let out a grunt from below him and his fingernails dug into Isak’s hips, sending a sharp shock of pleasure through him. He rocked back and forth on Even’s cock several more times until he finally found the strength to sit up on his knees and pull off of him just a bit before thrusting back down. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, because although there was a dull ache in his very bones, it felt _so_ good. “Fuck.” And then, as if his body had been taken over by some primitive force he couldn’t quite understand, he began fucking himself back on Even’s cock, pulling off a little bit more each time and taking him deeper. 

Even was whimpering beneath him, still trying to keep still as Isak took the lead, but after a minute, Isak wasn’t having it anymore. He wasn’t some delicate flower. He could take it. 

Isak leaned forward, letting out a choked off moan at the new angle, and whispered into Even’s ear, “Are you going to just lay there or are you going to fuck me?” 

Even moaned against his neck like a dying animal and then pulled him in for a kiss as his hips finally started moving in time with Isak’s. Their kiss quickly turned as dirty as the sounds the two of them were making and they had to break apart to maintain their rhythm, but they stayed close, breathing each other’s air. 

Isak felt his climax fast approaching so he reached down to try to get some friction around his own cock, but Even quickly swatted his hand away and took over the job himself. “You almost there, baby?” he asked, moving his hand in time to Isak’s movements. Isak nodded frantically against him. “Shit, me too. God, you’re so perfect, baby, so fucking perfect.” 

Isak came for the second time, biting down on Even’s collarbone as he did, and a combination of that and Isak’s ass clenching around Even’s dick sent him over the edge as well. He thrust forward two more times before burying himself deep inside and finding his release. 

Afterwards, they lay together on Even’s bed, still intimately joined, with Isak’s head resting on Even’s chest. They would have to move soon, but Isak couldn’t find the willpower to do so right then. Just a few more minutes and then he would get up. Just a few more minutes of absolute bliss. 

Even was holding him tight, running his fingers through his blonde curls and Isak’s heart felt so full that he could barely breathe. “Never have I ever…” Even started and Isak lifted his head to look at him in curiosity. Even grabbed both of his cheeks and made sure he was looking him straight in the eyes. “Never have I ever felt this way before, Isak. About anyone.” 

Isak couldn’t keep the stupid grin off of his face and he collapsed back into Even’s neck to hide his smile. “We can never tell Magnus about this,” he found himself saying a few minutes later. 

“Hm?” Even asked and Isak huffed out a laugh. 

“We can never tell Magnus that his stupid game is what got us together. We’ll never hear the end of it.” Even joined him in laughter and Isak could feel the vibration of it where they were still connected. If they didn’t separate soon, he was going to be ready for round two in no time. 

“Hell of a story, though,” Even noted. 

Isak couldn't help but agree. It was a story that started almost by accident, but he knew he would be telling it for the rest of his life. Even was his first for so many things: his first real kiss, his first boyfriend, his first time. His first love. He hadn't told him yet, but he knew it was true. His heart felt light in his chest and he couldn't stop smiling. He knew, without a doubt, that this was how he would spend the rest of his life, warm and content in Even's arms. 

"Yeah," he agreed, planting one last kiss on his boyfriend's lips. "Hell of a story." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another fic finished! Thank you so much for sticking with me until the end and for all of the lovely comments and kudos. Every single one means so much to me :)


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